“I know I let my daughter get by with murder,” a widow with a six-year-old said, “but it was just the two of us. She was just four and was devastated, as I was, when Charles died. I couldn’t bear to be tough on her. I didn’t want to upset her more. Now that Terry and I are getting married, I hate to change the rules on her. He thinks she’s spoiled. I guess he’s right…” That woman’s new husband will have his hands full. He’ll have to gently guide his wife and reassure her that discipline can be done with love and caring, and that children really do respond to retraining. First, he and his spouse need to discuss and agree upon which rules to enforce and how that effort can best be realized. They then need to have a family meeting to share this information with the youngster. While the child might not like having to respond to these new rules, she will be learning self-discipline and self-control, traits very much needed in the world outside of one’s home. Agreeing on discipline styles is often not an easy task. We all come from different backgrounds. Our values and discipline approach come largely from the way we were raised. In addition, children absorbed values and discipline from both their biological parents. Now a stepparent is coming in with yet another group of ideas. How can the stepparent and parent work out the rules for this newly formed household?
